(Words and music by Randy Newman)

Want some whiskey in your water?
Sugar in your tea?
What's all these crazy questions they're askin' me?
This is the craziest party that could ever be
Don't turn on the lights 'cause I don't wanna see

  Mama told me not to come
  Mama told me not to come
  "That ain't the way to have fun, no"

Open up the window, let some air into this room
I think I'm almost chokin' from the smell of stale perfume
And that cigarette you're smokin' 'bout scare me half to death
Open up the window, sucker, let me catch my breath

  Mama told me not to come
  Mama told me not to come
  "That ain't the way to have fun, son"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

The radio is blastin', someone's knockin' at the door
I'm lookin' at my girlfriend - she's passed out on the floor
I seen so many things I ain't never seen before
Don't know what it is - I don't wanna see no more

  Mama told me not to come
  Mama told me not to come
  She said, "That ain't the way to have fun, son"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, no"

  "That ain't the way to have fun, no"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, son"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, no"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

  "That ain't the way to have fun, no"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, son"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, no"
  "That ain't the way to have fun, son"